Thanksgiving is a great time to tell people what we are grateful for and why we are grateful for them. It sometimes makes me sad that it takes this holiday to express our gratitude's . Thanksgiving for me is a very painful holiday. I usually have to dig deep to even express my thanks. I know that is so silly because I HAVE SO MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR! It's been 8 years since my brother died. It just happens to fall exactly on thanksgiving this year. I have so many emotions... anger, sadness, heartbreak, suffering, and many more. I can't go into details about my feelings because it's still just to painful to discuss. I am so grateful to my mother for how brave she was, is and continues to be. I am not sure how she found her strength, but I think it was for her family. Now that i have Sawyer it breaks me on the inside to think of the loss she feels in her heart and the emptiness that comes from losing not one, but two children. Mom you are so brave and I know you still struggle, but I know (because I've been told many times) how many people you've helped because of your strength and bravery. Trials and struggles change people. I know I've been changed. I am at times not whole. I still have nightmares of more family loss... more scary family loss. I still think about the very moment of our losses. I'm sure this is not making any sense or that it isn't very clear my thoughts are honestly so mixed and jumbled. I just plain and simple miss my siblings. I think what life would be like with a teenage sister still in high school... would she have a boyfriend what kind of things would she like to do, would we be a like or totally different. Would Bubba be married? Would he have children? would he like the same things would he still be obsessed with working out and looking "GOOD" Would he still be as sarcastic and outgoing would he still be blunt and obnoxious? I thought today as we were driving to have thanksgiving dinner we would have to take four cars instead of two or three. I would pay all the gas in the world to have taken four cars today. Life sometimes is REALLY HARD. Enough of the pain onto the great things in my life that make life REALLY EASY!
I love my Family. I am so grateful for eternal families.
I love my husband. he works so hard and is such a great dad
I love my son. He is my world and he a beautiful and happy boy and makes Braydon and I so happy
I love my job and even though it's hard to leave Sawyer I am grateful that I can be somewhere I love
I love my friends and am so thankful that they accept me for me and allow me to truly be myself
I love that we are all healthy
I love that we live in a free country
I love that I have to true gospel and i can teach it to my children
*I am so thankful for all I have and even though we sometimes feel pain, loss, struggle and anything hard the Savior has been there and he lifts us and helps us walk through, over and out of the darkness. I am truly and quite simply GRATEFUL
8 years ago
3 comments:
Love and miss you Erica.
Love you girl... Colb and I were thinking of Bubba the other day. We still can't believe it. Thanks for sharing your feelings and being honest. I couldn't agree with you more about how lame it is that it takes THANKSGIVING to express gratitude. And then the next day everyone goes back to their everyday things... like shopping! haha Anyway, your family amazes me and I hope you guys know how much the Kellers and Stringhams love you guys! xoxo
Erica, this post made me tear up a bit. I was thinking about Bubba and your family a lot over Thanksgiving. I'll never forget being with your family at the hospital 8 years ago. Your mom and dad amaze me. Please tell them hello and that I love them! Also, your little boy is just so dang cute. I love stalking your blog to see those cute curls!
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