Missing "my normal"

I think putting on a brave face can be exhausting. Don't get me wrong I really do like it here. We have met some really amazing people and it's nice and we are in a safe area and sawyer has a lot of little friends. I just really miss all the familiar things. My mom and dad, siblings, my adorable dogs, work, my house, our swing set, always having people in and out of my parents house, my friends, taking sawyer up to my grandmas almost everyday so he could get a treat from her and play on her balcony, The deer coming in and out of the yard. I miss so many things. I am feeling kind of alone and also excited about this new opportunity we have been given. I feel all sorts on loss. I left my family who i adore and am so grateful for. My parents are so amazing. They have helped out our little family so much. They are so giving and so Christ like. We would be so lost without them. I feel so sad about my dogs. I still cry and feel so sad when I think about them. I feel so much like I let them down. I know it's so silly to some, but I love them and they were such a big part of our life. They were so good with Sawyer and they honestly are the sweetest dogs. I am so thankful for my sweet cousin who is so selfless and took them. I know she will be good to them and that they will get lost of attention from her boys, but i am still so sad and feel like such a failure. I feel like it was such a rough time moving, giving up the dogs, saying goodbye to family, taking sawyer somewhere new away from his first home where he was adored by all and got all kinds of attention from my parents and siblings, I feel many losses some of which I won't discuss but that have changed my heart. I feel pain. I type of pain that shakes your very being and that sometimes I just want to lay in bed and never get out, but I am grateful that I have Sawyer and that I get to get out of bed everyday for him and he makes me better and he makes me not so sad. I really am ok, but I am a bit sad and down lately. Change is not so easy for me. I made plans and some (not all) of those plans are no longer apart of my future. It's really quite sad to me. ugh... i'm sure this isn't making any sense. I miss my job and all the girls I worked with. They are like family. I miss working with Ben It was so fun when he started and so sad when he left and then paul came and that was one of the greatest days of my life. We laughed and I let him try all sorts of things it was just so fun, but mostly I miss working with my dad. I worked there for a long time and It was just a part of me. Going to lunch, laughing, getting in trouble, learning all sorts of new skills, dealing with crazy clients, being with my favorite clients, i just miss working with you dad. My job would have been nothing without you. I am thankful for our time together and I wouldn't have given it up for anything. I am grateful for the friendship that I have with my parents. We share our lives together. No secrets and just love. I feel so blessed and it really is so silly to be so sad. I am so lucky and have so much to be thankful for. I just had to let some of it out. This will be great i know it will be and i'm so proud of Braydon for his hard work and for pushing himself and for being such a great father and husband. Sawyer and him are inseparable. I love that they love each other so much. Anyway, sorry for the ranting i really am going to be ok!