Memorial Day

So it's a little funny to me that there is a day to remember people who are gone. As though we have forgotten them the other 364 days left in the year. I know these pictures are really blurry, partly because they are old and partly because i scanned them really fast. Sarah, my sweet baby died i really long time ago, but i still remember how her laugh sounds and how when i would secretly wake her up from naps or in morning to ask her where everyone was and she would tilt her head and say donnnnnn know! I never knew why i felt like i always had to wake her up to see her and play with her, but i didn't and I don't think in her short life she ever got a full nap. And then she died and I know why I did that. So I could spend a little more time with her. I wonder everyday what she looks like as a teenager and what kind of music she would like and if my parents would let her get away with anything. I wonder how many scars she would have from a years playing and running. I wonder how different our family would be. We all changed so much from the outside i'm sure it's unnoticed but we are so different. I wonder how we could be the people we are today if she were still around. I know the answer, but is it to selfish to no admit it? I would rather be a different person and have her and bubba around. She was so full of life and really crazy. It's weird because hardly any of my friends and even my husband know her. They never got to be around this beautiful baby girl. How do you explain how silly she was and how fun she was? I miss that little girl everyday not just today. WE are so lucky that we can be with our families forever.

Bubba is a whole other story. Most everyone knew him and either feared him or loved him.... or loved to fear him. I am not sure. He was very handsome and like sarah he was full of life. He was crazy and funny and a "know it all" So he thought. The day before he left to go down to st. george him and I spent hours together which wasn't common where he would sit and talk to me about life and give advice. I hold that day very close to my heart we hugged and said I love you and that is the last time i heard him speak or saw him alive without the help of ventilators. I wonder about him too. Would he be married and have children? Where would he be living? Would he have hair still.... just kidding. I just wonder and i know it seems silly to dream or things that i know will never happen until we get to the other side, but I wonder why a mother had to bury her two children and why ben and sarah were best buddies, but he doesn't remember her and why paul had to say goodbye to his best friend and why my dad seems lonely in his eyes and why emilee never got to really be an older sister. The question why is a really easy one to ask, but it really is silly. We won't know why but the Lord gives us challenges and hard ache and blessings everyday. One day we will know WHY. So not just today but everyday remember the loved ones who went before us they deserve to be remembered. I love you and miss you everyday!!








This is a picture of sarah doing her "pretty girl" pose and then me and her swinging in a hammock while camping and then bubba and i sitting on the couch together and then bubba packing sarah on his back