Christmas

We had a interesting, but great Christmas. It felt nothing like a normal christmas. Ben is gone, There wasn't any snow on the ground. and all my normal traditions seemed to be something of the past. I must say I have a very hard time with change. I don't handle it very well. So all the normal things my family does on Christmas had to be shared with braydon's family.... getting to experience their traditions is fine and that is just a part of joining a family, bur is it bad that I just really like my own traditions and is it ok that i want to stay "stuck" in my ways? I know i should just get over, but I really enjoy my own traditions. It was Sawyer's first Christmas. I have been so excited for all the fun things we would do together as a family. Lights, shopping, playing in the snow, singing christmas songs, watching christmas movies.He was a bit overwhelmed by all that was going on. People screaming when they would open their presents. That really scared him. He had no idea what was happening. He didn't really care for the wrapping paper. He mostly wanted to play with all the big boxes around. Once everything settled down he was really interested in all his toys. He had a blast with all the fun things he got. We are so lucky. I got a sewing machine and I am really exited to get better. I have made two really darling blankets... even if they aren't the greatest sewing job. We also got a trip to Jamaica. We are going in May. That is something really exciting to look forward to. My mom got my the most amazing gift. A travel chi and blow dryer set. It's so cute it's a tiny straightener and blow dryer. Awesome gift. We are just so blessed. Our families made it such a great day. I just really love everything about Christmas. It is a great time to reflect on our many blessings and to remember the real meaning of Christmas. It was interesting last year I was pregnant and I felt such a connection to Mary. The mother of our savior. I felt so grateful to her for her preparedness to be the mother of  the Savior. What a great and amazing women. I am so grateful for the message of Christmas. I am so grateful for the Savior and his birth. I am grateful what his life means to me. I am so thankful that we get to re read the story of the Saviors birth and understand it better.

Bright and early christmas morning. Sawyer only slept two maybe three hours the night before. He is just happy as can be though!! I love this boy so much.

Crawling up the stairs. Darling santa jammies

Sawyer's new face. I wish his eyes were open. It is the cutest face! He does it all the time now.

Braydon's parents got us matching pants and shirts so we changed to go to their house

 

We hope everyone had a magical christmas just like we did!

                                                               Happy New Year!!!!

I love jammies, but christmas jammies are to die for! Sawyer has 5 pairs!

We couldn't love this time of year more! There is just something about the spirit of Christmas that makes me so happy. I love the music, family time, life centered on the Savior, great food, beautiful lights, happy and giving people. It's just a great time of year. Not to mention it's WAY more fun when you have a child. I loved christmas time before, but it's just so much better now.It makes me sad that this is our last christmas living here for a while. It's been such a blessing to celebrate with family and most of my family live in Utah it's so nice.  We took Sawyer to see the lights at temple square. It wasn't that cold (not that it would have bothered him) and the lights just looked so beautiful. He was having the best time and in awe for all the lights and all the different colors. We tried to watch the Nativity scene, but it was so crowded and he wanted to get down and walk around. Yes I have a walker. It's so much fun. He laughs when he walks, He doesn't try to eat everything off the floor, and he is just so much happier and less frustrated. It's the most adorable thing watching your child walk. He sticks his arms out like he is a mummy and just goes. Sometime he thinks he can run and he falls down a lot, but he is getting quite good at walking. I can't believe I don't have a baby anymore and next month he is going to be ONE!

Hanging out with daddy in his cowboy hat

Daddy and Sawyer... twins don't ya think?

I love this boy!!!

Hanging out with grandpa after a day on the horses. He really likes looking at the horses. His mom... not so much.

Sawyer screams and yells A LOT! This is how he plays. I got a picture of him yelling back at me and of course after he laughs and laughs!

Thinking about walking.

First snow day!

Sawyer had his first experience in the snow after that "big storm" that wasn't so big. He LOVED it to say the least. He cried when we brought him inside. We went sledding too. He looks just so adorable in his little red snow suit. It's just to die for! This boy of ours is getting so big. Is almost completely walking... sometimes he forgets he can or he gets scared. He has figured out how to throw temper tantrums. It hasn't been that fun since he learned to do that. We have had a very difficult time in trying to get him on a schedule. We try and give him a bath and put him to bed around 8. Lately it's been taking us about three hours to finally get him to sleep. It's been difficult to say the least. He is still our happy boy though with a few tantrums in between. He has four teeth and loves to show them off by squinting his face and tilting his head back. I've tried to get a picture because it's so funny. Hopefully I will get one soon. He fills our lives with so much joy. We can't believe next month our no longer baby will be a year old. We love him more and more everyday... is that possible?

We are, quite simply GRATEFUL

Thanksgiving is a great time to tell people what we are grateful for and why we are grateful for them. It sometimes makes me sad that it takes this holiday to express our gratitude's . Thanksgiving for me is a very painful holiday. I usually have to dig deep to even express my thanks. I know that is so silly because I HAVE SO MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR! It's been 8 years since my brother died. It just happens to fall exactly on thanksgiving this year. I have so many emotions... anger, sadness, heartbreak, suffering, and many more. I can't go into details about my feelings because it's still just to painful to discuss. I am so grateful to my mother for how brave she was, is and continues to be. I am not sure how she found her strength, but I think it was for her family. Now that i have Sawyer it breaks me on the inside to think of the loss she feels in her heart and the emptiness that comes from losing not one, but two children. Mom you are so brave and I know you still struggle, but I know (because I've been told many times) how many people you've helped because of your strength and bravery. Trials and struggles change people. I know I've been changed. I am at times not whole. I still have nightmares of more family loss... more scary family loss. I still think about the very moment of our losses. I'm sure this is not making any sense or that it isn't very clear my thoughts are honestly so mixed and jumbled. I just plain and simple miss my siblings. I think what life would be like with a teenage sister still in high school... would she have a boyfriend what kind of things would she like to do, would we be a like or totally different. Would Bubba be married? Would he have children? would he like the same things would he still be obsessed with working out and looking "GOOD"  Would he still be as sarcastic and outgoing would he still be blunt and obnoxious? I thought today as we were driving to have thanksgiving dinner we would have to take four cars instead of two or three. I would pay all the gas in the world to have taken four cars today. Life sometimes is REALLY HARD. Enough of the pain onto the great things in my life that make life REALLY EASY!

I love my Family. I am so grateful for eternal families.
I love my husband. he works so hard and is such a great dad
I love my son. He is my world and he a beautiful and happy boy and makes Braydon and I so happy
I love my job and even though it's hard to leave Sawyer I am grateful that I can be somewhere I love
I love my friends and am so thankful that they accept me for me and allow me to truly be myself
I love that we are all healthy
I love that we live in a free country
I love that I have to true gospel and i can teach it to my children
*I am so thankful for all I have and even though we sometimes feel pain, loss, struggle and anything hard the Savior has been there and he lifts us and helps us walk through, over and out of the darkness. I am truly and quite simply GRATEFUL

Random happenings and Missing Uncle Ben... A LOT

This is Dangles the Monkey. Sawyer loves him he talks to him, hugs him and kisses him all the time.

Sawyer doesn't sleep as you've heard from me a lot, but one night I was feeding him and don't mind the food all over his face he rubs food in his hair and all over his face... we have bathes a lot at our house. anyway, as I was getting him a spoonful i looked up and he was asleep. So funny

This is Kate... Sawyer's little friend. He is bigger then her and she is 7 months older then him.

This was a couple days before Ben left

This was the day Ben spoke in church. He did an incredible job

Early morning snap shot.

Grandma gave him a sucker and He really enjoyed it!

Trying to give grandpa kisses. I love that they love each other so much

Sawyer is obsessed with the piano. He would sit and play it all day if I would let him.

This was the night Ben was set a part.

This was our last picture all of us with Ben for two years. I miss him so much already. I was a wreck and a bawl baby... what else is new?

Our whole family minus jon. He couldn't come, but no big deal the MTC drop off is lame and everyone just cried.

This breaks my heart. Sawyer is going to be so different and so big when ben gets home!

This is the last picture I snapped of Ben. We were not able to all drive him down to drop him off. So my parents took him down and he wanted to drive for the last time for two years. You are going to be life changing amazing buddy. We miss you so much already and we are so thankful for your faithfulness. You will be incredible. I am proud of the person you are and the service you are going to give for the next two years. Loving and Missing you baby brother.

Hair cuts and Halloween

 This is what Sawyer does when he Crawls. He sticks his tongue out. It's so funny. 

         This gives you an idea of how long Sawyer's hair was before we cut it. I was so sad to say goodbye to his curls, but it was getting a little out of control. I cried when we cut it because now he looks so old. Here come a few before and after shots!

Getting His hair cute. He actually did really well and sat very still. We had aunt em cut his hair at home. So much easier then in her salon.

Yes that is my little baby... who I need to start to realize isn't a little baby anymore:(

Look how cute I am with my new hair cut and my very wet shirt

This picture makes me laugh. You were laughing to hard and something stupid I was doing. 

Uncle Ben and Sawyer. Uncle Ben is in his utah scrubs.... must of been a game day.

He's a little sick of his costume.

This is a bag that my cousin linds found for me! Can you believe it had his name on it. Probably the only thing that will ever have his name on it. 

After a bath and getting out of his costume he was a happy boy. This is all the candy his mommy and daddy will be eating! Thanks buddy.

Successful night! 

 We had such a fun night. We were going to put Sawyer in a different costume, but my mom bought this one three days ago. He looked so cute. He was so funny. We went to visit a lot of family and friends. He grabbed his own candy and put it in his little bag. We just love our little tiger! Hope everyone had a fun and safe night.


HAPPY HALLOWEEN