Sawyer is getting so big. I am so sad and so excited at the same time. He is starting to get a little personality which is so fun. Here are some of the things he does and what are days are like. I'm sure it's not as exciting as all of yours, but it's fun for us.
He smiles all the time
He laughs, but not all the time and it's usually at night
He tries so hard to talk back to you
He sings when I sing to him I love that it's so sweet
He tries to sit up, but he just can't do it and he gets so frustrated
He loves bath time finally!
He thinks two in the morning is play time instead of bed time and he just wants to smile
He loves my parents they can just look at him and he gets the biggest smile on his face
He will always fall asleep for braydon at night but not for me.
We are usually up around 4 am for the day because it's not fun to sleep
We don't really go out anywhere because of rsv it's so bad right now
We watch a lot of movies together and a lot of trashy reality tv... sorry mom
He is happy most of the time, but if he's hungry and i'm not fast enough at getting him food he gets very upset and will start to scream. Once he starts eating he is fine!
He loves braydon so much. It's so sweet to watch them together he loves to help his daddy study and loves when daddy can make it home in time for bath time
He has a hard time walking up he gets a little confused and gets scared very easily
He makes us so happy and has changed our lives so much. I can't believe he hasn't been in our lives longer. He just makes my heart melt. Even when he is sleeping at night I just stare at him because i can't take my eyes off him.

Random thoughts

So I have been thinking a lot lately about this sad story i'm about to share. A family my mom knows down south had a very sad thing happen in their family. Their son committed suicide. That in itself is a tragedy, but what the mother found after his death makes this very hearbreaking. She found e-mails, notes, and text messages from people in his school (he was a sr. going to graduate this year) She said what these kids said to her son were some of the most awful things any person could say or any person could hear. She said it was very painful to even read. My brother ben is a sr. and i can't imagine people saying such awful things to hurt him in that way. Why are people so cruel? I know kids are so mean to eachother. The mother went to her sons grave sight and there was a note from a girl that said she didn't attend his funeral because she didn't want to be a hipacrite and pretend she was nice to him like everyone else who attended to try and make themselves feel better. What is wrong with people? I am so sad for this mother. I am so sad for those kids who did and said such awful things to this boy that i've never met. I am just sick about it. It's hard to explain how our life changed after my brother and sister died. It's hard to explian how my mom and dad changed, but now that i'm a mom I feel like i understand a little bit more of what that did to them even though i don't really know. It breaks my heart that this mother had to say goodbye to her son to early and that it was a very sad way for her to let him go. It's just good that we have the gospel. Then on the other end of the spectrum I was watching "hope for haiti" and there was this story about a mother who pulled herself out of the rubble and could hear her infant son crying. She dug and dug for hours and hours and could still hear him, but his cries were getting weaker and weaker. A day went by and she was still digging. This mother dug for her baby for 50 hours and finally help came and her son was pulled out alive. What a beautiful story. I couldn't help but cry as I was holding my son. If you asked me a year ago if i'd dig 50 hours i don't know what i'd say but after having this beautiful baby I would dig until the very end. I want to be like thatmom and not like those unkind people. I want to be better then that. I will continue to feel sad for that family because I know death is so painful and I will try and be like that mom and fight for life and be more loving.

Sawyer is almost three weeks. I can't believe it. It has gone by so fast and we have just begun. We had his two week check up this week and he is now 8 lbs 2 ounces. He is in the 33 percentile for his weight and 65 percentile for his height. Things are going very well. During the day he is so happy and he sleeps very well. At night he is a little confused and is up pretty much most of the night. He spits up a lot at night and chokes a lot which is really scary, but during the day he hardly spits up. So when he is asleep at night i'm still awake in fear that he is going to choke. On a happier note he has started smiling so much. It is so sweet. He smiles a lot more when he is waking up, but he does smile when he is awake. He thinks he can sit up on his own and he tries so hard and gets so frustrated when he can't do it. He has discovered his hands and feet He hates to be bundled up because he can't wiggle. He has made our lives so rich and I'm so lucky to have this little boy. My friends who have children always spoke of how great it was and i knew it would be, but i never knew it would be this amazing, hard and simply the best gift i could have ever gotten. Braydon gave me this beautiful braclet after I gave birth to sawyer it was very sweet and i felt so bad because i didn't get him anything and when i said that to him he said " you gave me the best gift ever... our son" and the sums it up. He is the greatest gift and we are so lucky to be parents. It's so fun to be a mom and it's only been such a short time. I am new and not very good at it... that is why I call my sweet friend danielle everyday pretty much to ask for advice or just to vent or to share how sweet I think my boy is and she is so kind and she listens and gives the best advice she is really supermom. Thanks danielle!!! and i'm sorry i call ALL the time. Being a mom has changed my life and it's no longer about me and sawyer knows it and that's the way braydon and I like it!

Sawyer James Haskell

Welcome to the world my sweet baby boy!

I was 8 days over my due date. It was horrible! I went in for my induction at 7:30 tuesday the 12. I was given a pill that should start my contractions and was told i would probably get 3 or 4 of those before we started pitocin. Well, it worked so well they started the pit after just one pill. Things were going pretty well my contractions were about 4 minutes apart and were lasting 7 minutes each. It was pretty intense and very painful so we didn't get much sleep that night. Well, about 8 in the morning I was told that the stronger my contractions got the lower his heart rate would drop. I was taken off the pitocin to see how my body and the baby would react. his heart rate continued to drop with each contraction. My dr. broke my water about 10:30 to see if that would speed up the process to get this baby out. It didn't and his heart rate dropped in the 60's. I was told i probably would have a c section, but i was a little concerned and frustrated that they were waiting. i was so worried and very stressed. What if he wasn't ok what was wrong why weren't they listening to me? I talked to my nurse and told her i was very worried and super stressed and that's when my dr. walked in and said his heart rate just dropped to 50 and we are taking you now for an emergency c section. Braydon was getting lunch I called him and said they are prepping me for surgery. He rushed right up. I was told I was going into surgery at 1:15 and i was on the table at 1:25. I was numb from the neck down it was a littl hard to breathe and a lot harder to stay awake. I was crying and very nervous. Braydon watched the whole surgery. He said what they did to me was pretty intense and a Little hard to watch, but he thought it was pretty cool. Well I heard the Dr. say I am pulling the baby out.... then i heard the cord is around his neck twice. So what was happening was every time i would contract the cord would pull tight. They rushed him away and I was waiting to hear him cry. then the most beautiful sound happened I heard my little boy cry. next thing I knew i was out and braydon was waking me up holding my son. It was the most magical and spiritual thing seeing my bestfriend and husband holding the perfect thing we created together. I was so overcome with emotion. We both were. It was scary, but very specail not what i had expected, but i am so grateful it worked out for the best. i am so thankful that he is healthy and everything is fine. He is the most precious little person in the world. I can't believe i lived without him. He is very calm and a very good baby. The nights are a littl hard i think his time clock is a little off so he sleeps a lot during the day and is up all night. Welcome to motherhood. He is wanting to hold his head up and he rolled over today... i was like no!!! you are not growing up and you are not rolling over. I am so grateful for braydon throughout this whole thing. He has been so great and so thoughtful. I am so lucky to have such a great husband and a darling son. I don't want him to grow up, but i'm excited for the journey. We are very lucky. My family has been so great with him too. They have been so helpful. My mom and sister take him all the time for me so I can rest because this c section recovery has been a joke! Who knew how much you used your ab muscles? I am feeling a lot better other then going a little crazy just sitting in my house. I love my baby and i'm so glad he is here!!!!!!! FINALLY. it's been a long time coming.

Just a little update

So we don't have a baby yet. I know I know I can't believe it either. I am only 4 days past due, but 4 days seems like a very very long and uncomfortable time to me. I have now started going to the dr. 3 times a week to have a ultrasound and a NST. Everything looks great which I am so happy about, but at the same time I was hoping they would say " You know Erica you seem so miserable why don't we just induce you today." Oh ya that was my dream last night. His heart rate is great it's about 137 to 140 and they like it between 110 and 160. The average amount of amniotic fluid is 10cm and they worry if you have less then 10. Well, folks no need to worry because I have i bit more then 10cm I have 23cm.The nurse kathy was so hilarious and so sweet and she said that sucks you are over due and I really really want to lie and tell them to induce you, but I can't. I tried very hard to pay her off, but she said no. So if my water breaks on it's own or if they have to do it i'm to plan on a large amount. FANTASTIC! I had a slight break down yesterday because I have just planned on having this baby here already, my family was supposed to go to st. george next weekend and they cancelled their plans and I feel horrible about it. I just cried for a bit and then went walking around the mall maybe to help this baby come. All it did was make me even more tired. So if this baby doesn't come this weekend which i am really hoping for then I go back to the dr. on monday. Oh Joy!! So please pray for me I could really use a little help. And I know this is all complaining, but i really want to meet my little guy and i'm excited to start a new adventure that doesn't include me throwing up, lack of sleep for no reason, getting up twenty times a night to pee (TMI) but that includes me getting up for someone who depends on me and to see this beautiful baby/ gift that came from heaven. Lets hope for the best people. Everyone BELIEVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear santa,

Did your sled break down? Did you forget where I live? I am a little ticked that I did not get the simple request of a baby this year. Well, no baby yet and from the looks of things I will be going over the due date. I think i've just created a such a great place for this baby that he doesn't want to come. I tell him every night that he really wants to meet me, but he just stays put. Hopefully we will not go over the due date, but if we do we will be happy i mean really happy when he comes. It's time to give up this body suit.

Dear Santa,


I know that my due date isn't until January 5Th and I want a healthy baby, but I secretly would love to have a baby here for Christmas. I know that is a lot to ask and it's only for selfish reasons, but there isn't anything else I want. I have everything I need. An incredible husband, the best family and amazing friends. I am just really looking forward to meeting this little baby boy. If you can accommodate my wishes that would be so great.

thank you so much,


Erica

40 More days until my due date!!! I can't wait to meet this baby! I love feeling him kick. It's the best part of my day. I love talking to him while i drive to and from work. I love seeing braydon's face when he gets to feel him kick his hand. It's a priceless moment. It's going to change our whole life and I just keep thinking when he comes how did we ever survive without him? I feel so lucky and grateful that I get the opportunity to be a mom! I have wanted to be a mom my whole life. It is just what some people were meant to do and some were meant to do something else. I am so thankful for my parents and i'm so excited to watch them be grandparents. They will be so great and so helpful and i'm so lucky to have that. I am excited for my sibling I just wish that they would have babies soon, but no such luck maybe by my third child they will start to have kids. My dad just had knee surgery and will eventually have to totally replace both knees and i'm so thankful that he is doing ok. My brother ben started working with me after school and it is so much fun having him there. He is just so hilarious and it's pretty funny to watch him interact with people he doesn't know. He is a lot more shy then i am. Em is dating someone pretty serious and I like him a lot... i'm sure they are wedding bound, but I am apparently not supposed to say that so you didn't hear it from me!!! :)
Thanksgiving is such a great holiday, but for my little family it's some what bitter sweet. 7 years ago today we said our goodbyes and it just seems like yesterday. And i'm so grateful for the time we got to spend together even if some times were a little more rough then others. I still wonder when you will drive in the driveway and come home... silly thoughts i know. I'm so thankful that you are a part of our family and that we get forever with you and sarah. I'm so thankful that we know that we will see you again. How sad is it for people who dont know that. Well, I know how everyone is so sick of my blog pitty parties, but i hope you all have such a beautiful and happy thanksgiving.

Help!!!

So I need all the advice I can get from all the mommies out there... what is the most needed and wanted items, any advice for me as i'm approaching the due date sooner and sooner... I just want to get all the advice I can. I know i'm a little weird. Oh and side note I am loving the Christmas music and the girls at work are going crazy because I sing it all day. They won't let me play it so during my lunch hour I sing to it on my i pod. I am so excited for christmas not just because i love it so much, but because my baby will be here right after. I wish he could be here for all the holiday fun, but it didn't work out that way.

So my cute cousins Heather and Missy threw me my family baby shower!! It was so fun. I got the most darling gifts and it was so fun to get together. I stole this from missy's blog so you can see a few of the cute things I was able to get. My grandmother was so kind to let us use her house. This is making me more and more excited to meet my little man. I love presents, but for some reason I love baby boy presents for him then I do for my self. Thanks Heather and miss!!! I loved it so much and am so grateful for you both.

So we had a little celebration for my grandma's birthday this month! My grandma is actually doing pretty well. Some of you may or may not know that she is struggling with cancer for i swear the millionth time, but it's acutally number three. she is so brave and so positive. I feel so lucky that she is my grandmother. Well, for her birthday we each wrote her letters to tell her how she has impacted our lives and our testimony. We knew this would mean more to her then any present we could buy. Of course we bought her stuff thought. We found this darling brest cancer braclet at gardner villiage that we bought her and a whole bunch of pink items in honor of her and breast cancer month. How can anyone be as brave as she is? I don't think I would ever be like that if it were me walking in her shoes. Bravery is something I do not pocess. I went and had a piece of home made bread with her yesterday and tried to help grandpa cover his beloved fig trees to get them ready for the winter. We talked about everything. She is so funny and we talk about the most random things. She always talks to my belly which i think is really cute and fun. She is such a sweet lady and she's my grandmother and i love her A LOT!!

* here is a video my uncle grant and cousin andrew made for her birthday because they were unable to be there. It's darling! copy and paste it to youtube if you want to watch it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnkgU_XFsNY

jazz game, babies are here and an update

So yesterday braydon and I went on a double date with my siter and her boyfriend jon to the jazz game pre season opener! It was so much fun. We went to sky box had a quick dinner then headed to the game... where you know I had to get dip n dots because I LOVE Them. It was a blow out, but it was still fun to be there for a little group date. Jon thought it was the best thing of his life he was a little excited.






Dave and danielle welcomed their two baby girls presley and paisley to the world this week!! They are so tiny and adorable. I loved them even before i met them. I am so excited for their new additions and for their new adventure! Congrats mommy and daddy you made two stinkin cute babies. and i know cole is going to be the best big brother. Well, it looks like we only have three more months until our baby comes. I can't wait to meet him. Everything is looking good and he is growing at the right pace. I on the other hand have blown up, but isn't it worth it? WEll it is worth it to have a baby, but seriously i look pretty sick, but my nice husband tells me everyday that i'm skinny and beautiful.... what a liar!!!!!!!!! He is pretty good to me though. I am excited for conference weekend to hang out and relax. I hardly ever see braydon so it will be so nice to be together this weekend. I want to take a drive and go see the leaves. It is looking so beautiful outside.

Rain!!

I love the rain in the early fall!! I love that it isn't cold, but we still get some moisture. I love watching thunder and lightning. I am excited for fall and all the fun fall activities, but i can't wait til next fall because I will get to do them with my new little man and braydon. I got to spend a lot of time with my sister after her surgery poor sister. She had jaw surgery and i'm sure it wasn't that much fun for her. She is starting to have better days and better nights though. She had a rough first week. She looks really good. not very much bruising which is really lucky because everyone said she would bruise like crazy. Her swelling is starting to go down. I am glad we are on the road to recovery because it has been hard on everyone mostly her. My belly is growing and I feel really huge for being almost six months. I hope everyone feels that way about themselves so i'm not such a weirdo. Braydon has been so good though even though i never see him now that school has started. He tells me i'm skinny and that i'm beautiful even though I gave him a list of what he needs to say to me... at least he does it right???? Well, bring on fall and all the colors and festivities.